Newly married and recently unemployed but still hopeful

Lots of challenges and stress lately.  The good kind - I got married to a wonderful man in June!  The more challenging kind - health issues discovered in late June and then in August my job got eliminated by the large organization where I worked for over six years. 

My faith keeps me strong.  I know something better is in store for me.  Thank you, God!

Missing my sweetie tonight

Long time no post.  I am feeling very grateful that I have met someone who is kind and smart and amazing.  I believe God has finally answered this prayer.  We've been together for 8 months, but I don't get to see him as often as I would like.  He's busy with work and school, and he's very dedicated and focused.  He was supposed to come by tonight after school but ended up needing to stay later after class.  I am fine with it, but just a bit disappointed.  I see him mostly only on weekends.  We spend lots of time talking, though... and the more we do the more I see into his soul and appreciate him more profoundly.

Life is good!  Thank you God for this amazing person in my life!

Ready for Christmas?

Nope, not so much. I just haven't felt like shopping lately (more than my usual disdain for shopping). So I still have a few gifts to pick up.

I was going to shop this weekend, but woke up feeling lousy this morning. Trying to kick a headache and nose and throat symptoms today. I refuse to get sick. My body simply is not a good host for you germies, so please move along.

Tomorrow I am going to my Zumba class if I feel ok in the morning. I have hurt my shoulder and my knee in the last few months and still have some lingering pain, mostly from my knee at this point. I think both are inflamed and upset with me. Acupuncture helped my shoulder more than physical therapy. I am just praying that I don't continue to fall apart, piece by piece.

Most of all, I try to be grateful for my family, friends, generally good health, no ice storms making me homebound this year so far, the fact that I have a job and we got a bonus (totally unexpected!), my kitty cats who talk to me every day and occasionally snuggle with me, and the fact that my mom and dad are still alive and we can celebrate another holiday season with them. Since mom's long stay in the hospital three years ago, I feel each year with her is another gift from God. I am very thankful for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me this year.

LOVE them, don't club them!

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So, now what?

It's beginning to feel a lot like spring these days. I am getting restless, as usual. I've been working at the same place for almost three years now and I am somewhat bored and feeling like there is no more room for growth or change there. I do like the organization and what it stands for, but I feel like there is so much more I could be doing.

I have so many conflicting thoughts about where to go with my life. I have never really wanted to be tied down to a place. Now that mom is ill and needing my help, I don't feel like I can leave her. Yet I crave sunshine, and not the liquid variety so common here. I wish I could talk my whole family into moving to the Southwest with me. I grew up there and I really miss it.

Since I have lived in so many places - 5 different states and countless cities in the USA, 2 years in another country in the Peace Corps and 1 year in South America, I guess you could say that I never really put down roots. I adapt really well to new situations, yet I never feel that I really fit in or completely belong to any one place. When I meet people who have lived in one place their whole lives, I am actually wistful for that experience. They complain that there is no privacy and everyone knows everyone's business, but I see it as an idyllic small town where everyone kind of feels like one big crazy extended family.

I can't go back and live in one place forever, yet I am bored to tears with the place I live now, and I feel I should stay to take care of my mom. I feel I should at least attempt to be a semi-normal human who buys a house and puts down roots and gets involved with the community, etc. Yet, I don't feel like this is really my community. I didn't choose it. I just came here after college because my parents moved here while I was still studying.

Ordinary Miracles

sometimes a song can touch your heart in just such a way as to make you grateful for all the seemingly little things in your life. lately those are the only things that are keeping me sane.
when everything seems so uncertain and i am fearing events in the future, and feeling like my dreams will never come true... i remember to be thankful for all the little and big blessings in my life. my sister is always there to help out and listen, my mom is alive and enjoying her life despite some big obstacles, my cats make me laugh and make me crazy - which later makes me laugh. today was a sunny crisp fall day with beautiful leaves and a pinkorange sunset. those things remind me that God is surely in charge and watching over us all. so thanks to Sarah Mclachlin for this little song and for the ordinary miracles that often go unnoticed every day.


Just Another Ordinary Miracle Today

It's not that unusual when everything is beautiful
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
The sky knows when its time to snow
You don’t need to teach a seed to grow
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own
Isn’t it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
Birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
'Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle
Ordinary miracle today
Do you want to see a miracle?
It seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It’s just another ordinary miracle today
It’s just another ordinary miracle today

Fat furry worms can fly!

BUTTERFLY by Jana Stanfield

An excerpt from one of my favorite songs by an inspiring artist
(my favorite line is highlighted):

Butterfly, please tell me again it’s gonna be alright
I can feel a change is coming
I can feel it in my skin
I can feel myself outgrowing
This life I’ve been living in
And I’m afraid, afraid of change
Butterfly, please tell me again
I’m gonna be alright
I’m like my friend caterpillar,
afraid of that dark cocoon
Wanting to hide in the tall grass,
when change is coming soon
But all of the things we long for,
are borne on the wings of change
And losses can lead us to blessings
that we can’t explain
Butterflies remind us,
there’s magic in every life
And we can become what we dream of,
if fat furry worms can fly
So I say…
Butterfly, please tell me again
it’s gonna be alright.